I haven't talked to him in four days, "the boy." I'm okay with that, not even sure i miss him. But i do miss someone and i'd never thought i would. I miss Him, the first ex, Ex 1. We should call him "The first" because he was the first boy i had ever been in love with. Sometimes i ask myself if i regret breaking up with him, but then i think about how low my self esteem was and how my confidence level was so low. If i had never broken up with him i would still be miserable and i wouldn't have found myself. I wouldn't know just how beautiful i was, even though he told me everyday. He told me everyday how beautiful i was, and most of the time he showed it. A lot of those times i didn't believe him but i knew he meant it, i hope that counts for something.
He hated when i said i was just pretty.
I remember our first kiss, i had been so scared. We were in his room, sitting in chairs because we hadn't been allowed to sit on the bed. We were playing the PlayStation and joking around, it was also our second date. It started getting late and i didn't even realize the lights had been off the entire time until the room was dark, and the only light source was from the television. I think he asked me if i had ever kissed a boy and i had said not a real kiss, never on the lips. "When are we going to have our first kiss?" I think he asked that. I told him that i would kiss him right now, in that moment. He dared me and said that he know i wouldn't do it, that i was too scared. So i grabbed his face and went for it, he pulled away with a huge laugh and we laughed together for a few minutes. The he said, "okay, for real this time." We both had a quick chuckle then we leaned in. His lips were... His lips just were. He has full, pink, and soft lips. I loved his lips.
When we were finally allowed to sit on the bed, i would lay on his chest and peer up at his lips. I'd sit up to climb up his boyish chest, and grab his t shirt, then kiss just his bottom lip. He'd smile and i love yous would be exchanged. We were in love, at only 14 years old. Some might say that's impossible, but it happened. I know we were in love because when we weren't together and i would think about him and my stomach would hurt. I would be physically nauseous, until we talked. I miss him a lot and i know that we could be in love again. This time we would work it out, and we'd give each other our all.
My mom misses him sometimes too. "My son in-law," she'd always call him. She'd say, "You and him were so cute together.
I know his mom misses me, she said so to me just last week, when i saw her in person. I miss his family and his house. We'd sit in his room or the living room and watch as the room got darker throughout the day. I never felt out of place there, I always felt like i was a part of the family. He always made me feel that way. I'd go grocery shopping with him and his mom, or sometimes just me and his mom. His mom would always introduce me as her daughter in-law, or sometimes she would just say, "This is my daughter." I miss that. I miss him.
I don't know how but i'm gonna get him back. I hope he wants me back.
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