I ended things with "the boy." He says that he still likes me but he knows how i feel about the situation. He might even be upset about the whole thing. I don't think i care. I regret it because i didn't feel anything. Real friends wouldn't be mad about such a scenario especially if they know how it makes you feel uncomfortable.
I have my eyes on one prize. "the first." I miss him everyday and i plan to somehow, in someway to get him back. I don't know how but i have to, before my heart aches. I might even still love him. I still love him.
What ever happens, happens. He could either get mad at me for thinking that all of a sudden i think i can come back into his life. Or he'll welcome me with open arms. Of course i'm hoping for the second.
If and when i get him back, i plan to make it the best relationship he'll ever have. I'll spoil him, just as he's spoiled me before. I'll do anything for him. I'll travel for him. I'd buy him anything he wants, even though he doesn't need me to. I just want him to be happy. Hopefully he'll choose for that happiness to be with me, because i choose for my happiness to be with him.
He's pretty much everything that i could want. Smart, Handsome, understanding, goofy, funny, mature, sensitive, caring, protective, tough, i could go on and on. I can look past all the reasons i had for breaking up with him in the first place. Although they were real reasons, i was hiding behind them for the real reasons i hadn't known until now. I guess that's why i can now see myself with him. I miss him. I miss him. God, i miss him.
God, face his heart toward mine.
Amen.
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